American Airlines Sky Hag

Flying the Not-so-Friendly skies

Like every airline, American Airlines has a “slogan” or “advertisement tagline”.  The current one for AA is “The World’s Greatest Flyers Fly American”.  Various other AA sayings over the years include:  “Going for great”, “Be yourself. Nonstop”, “We know why you fly”, “The On-Time Machine”, “No other Airline gives you more of America, than American”, “Something special in the air”,  “At American, we’ve got what you’re looking for”, “We’re American Airlines. Doing what we do best”,  “Our passengers get the best of everything”, “It’s good to know you’re on American Airlines”, and “Fly the American Way.”


Sorry American, but I don’t think you’ve delivered on those tagline promises … especially during my trip home from Japan.  Having a flight attendant yank my earphones out of my ears and then show no remorse for her actions does not qualify as “going for great”, “something special”, “what I’m looking for”, “the best of everything”, or “doing what you do best.”

Travel Etiquette

I have flown on numerous airlines since 1979 and put in over 125,000 business miles between 1990 and 2000.  I have another 50,000 or so personal or business miles from 2000 until the present day, so I am no stranger to flying or what flight etiquette is expected of not only me, but also from airline employees.  Many of my good friends and high school classmates went to work as flight attendants and pilots.  At no time have I EVER had an issue with flight attendants until today.

So how did this particular customer service fiasco start?   It happened on our return flight from Haneda to LAX — AA Flight 26 — which departed 4:45 p.m. (20 minutes late but time was made up in the air and landed on time). We were in seats 15A and 15B (premium economy).  I told AA in advance at the time of making the reservations via their on-line system that I was hard of hearing.  While boarding not only the flight from LAX to Haneda but also this flight home, one of the other flight attendants acknowledged my disability as we were seating. We were offered drinks and the freebie earphones as we reached cruising altitude. I typically don’t take the earphones and opt for closed captions on the movies, but I decided I’d take them this time in case hubby (who opted out) changed his mind or in case his personal earphones weren’t working.

An hour later, the drink and meal carts were rolled out, and I looked at the menu choices posted on the side of the cart. They said “Beef” or “Chicken”. Since I read lips, I responded back to the flight attendant’s question of “which one?” with “Beef, please.” She said “We don’t have beef”.  ummm … huh??!!  I then looked at my husband on my left and asked him to clarify (beef had been switched out for pork). Just as I turned my head toward him, the flight attendant yanked the earphones out of my ears and said “THERE! … MAYBE that will help you hear what I have to say!” I said “I am almost deaf on that side and my husband is my ears.” Hubby told her I wanted the Chicken, and she just dropped it down onto the tray instead of handing it to me with a nice “AA smile”.

About 2 hours later, I got up to use the restroom and she was by the mid-cabin exit door. I apologized for my hearing issue and she shot back “Not my problem. I’m so sick and tired of people like you.” She went back to the galley and we didn’t see her again until the second meal was served about an hour before landing.

What is a Sky Hag?

The Single Dude’s Guide to Life & Travel™ describes Sky Hags as “old, ugly, and ill tempered stewardesses” and “swamp monsters who staff our nation’s carriers.”  My flight attendant was somewhere in her late 50’s and ill tempered.  She was not necessarily physically ugly, but her attitude definitely was.  The reason these people are still in a customer service situation instead of in the unemployment line is simple … money and seniority.  “Since the industry is so strapped for cash these days, nobody ever hires stewardesses anymore.  Instead, they just keep the ones they already have, and when layoffs come they always fire the ones with the least seniority.  So every round of layoffs the average stewardess gets older and uglier.  Sky Hags have been flying for years, and seen all sorts of shit, and so after years of mistreatment by their employers and customers, they’re bitter and often nasty”, and because of that seniority, they often get to choose their routes.  Granted, Single Dude’s comments about “seeing a little eye candy” (aka young, good-looking females) are from an unmarried man’s point of view; but, the issue with angry employees who are responsible for your comfort and safety at 36,000 feet is more than disconcerting no matter their age, marital status, or gender.


Airways Brewing concurs, and they describe their Sky Hag IPA beer as follows:

She hates you and her job. But, she gets to go to Paris twice a month. This beer’s as bitter as she is. An abundance of Northwest “C” Hops give this beer its bite.

With a description like that, it’s no wonder AA doesn’t serve Sky Hag on its flights.  Bitter is a good description of my flight attendant, and I have absolutely ZERO clue what set her off.  I was not disruptive, and there were no PA announcements nor turbulence at the time of the incident.  The poor drink cart flight attendant came around later and indicated her shock about what she had witnessed; and she said, “She’s been in a really bad mood all day.” I told her it wasn’t her fault, but now two of us on the plane (the Sky Hag and I) were in a bad mood.

I reported the problem to AA, and I gave them 7 days to respond.  I did not demand a refund, nor did I threaten them with a lawsuit.  My only request was that they do something about this particular flight attendant (reprimand, retrain, drop in seniority, termination, early retirement, … whatever works to get the message across).

American Airlines’ Response

8 days later … May 31:

Dear Mrs. S:
Thank you for contacting Customer Relations about the difficulties you encountered while traveling from Haneda on May 22. I have reviewed the problems you reported, and appreciate this opportunity to respond.

I am concerned about the flight attendant behavior you described and hope you will accept my apology for the disappointing service you received. We work hard to provide professional, courteous service to our customers, and it is clear we fell short when you traveled on flight 26 to Los Angeles.

In your email you mentioned our Reservations personnel was notified that you are hard of hearing. I have reviewed your reservations and our flight records and have not located this information. Nevertheless, we expect all of our colleagues to extend polite and considerate assistance to our customers. From what you’ve reported, it appears our flight attendant could have handled your situation more appropriately.

We take these matters very seriously. Let me assure you that your feedback is very important since it provides us with a measuring tool for customer satisfaction. Your comments have been documented and made available to the appropriate management personnel in Flight Service for an internal review. I am confident that improved service will be the ultimate result.

Mrs. Schoelles, while I know you are disappointed with our service, I hope you will give us another opportunity to prove traveling on American can be a pleasant experience. I know we can do a great deal better.

Customer Relations
American Airlines

My Response to AA and the Sky Hag

Yes, you fell short in providing professional, courteous service; and your Sky Hag definitely could have “handled the situation more appropriately”; and, yes, you can do a “great deal better.”  Other than those admissions, and referral to Flight Service management for an “internal review”, what are you going to do about THIS particular flight attendant?  Allow her to continue flying knowing she has physically assaulted a disabled customer?  How many times has this happened in the past, and how many more times does it need to happen in the future before you say “enough is enough” and kick her to the curb with her luggage?  I understand there needs to be confidentiality with respect to personnel issues, but customers need to know that they will not have to worry about meeting up with this person should they fly on American (or any other airline for that matter).

Furthermore, what makes your apology hollow is your implication that I did not notify AA about my hearing issues when making my on-line reservations.  Per the AA website:

When booking on choose “special assistance required” when filling out your passenger details, there you can:

  • Request wheelchair service
  • Request individual assistance if you have a hearing, vision, cognitive or developmental disability
  • State if you’re traveling with any electric medical equipment or a service animal (notice is required within 48 hours of your flight


Hearing assistance
Let a gate agent or flight attendant know if you need help hearing important flight updates. Also, open captioning for safety videos is available.

I did both of these (chose “special assistance required” and notified gate and boarding personnel), plus I utilized the closed captioning on all videos when available.  What you American Airlines don’t seem to comprehend, is there is a break in communication somewhere between your reservation system, flight services, and customer relations departments.  You did not indicate exactly HOW you are going to address this communication breakdown issue.

Although you are confident in your own ability to provide better service in the future, I don’t share your optimism.  Will this incident impact my choice of airline?  More than likely, yes … or at the least until you live up to your taglines and your own hype.


Safe and Efficient Shuttle My A$$

We decided to do our first “vacay” for the last 18 years to Japan from May 11 to May 22. Instead of paying $35 a day for 11 days parking we opted to hire a shuttle van at $40 per person (3x there and 2x back) at a total savings of $185. Good deal? Good God no and a half! Here was the joke of a promise from Prime Time Shuttle:

“Peace of mind when you travel to Los Angeles International Airport – LAX. When you are traveling, whether it be for business or pleasure, you already have enough on your mind to worry about. A Shared Van is the most economical way to travel to and from LAX. Often half the cost of a taxi, and always a more professional and pleasant experience. Our computer assisted dispatch assures you that those riding with you are traveling to the same part of the city. You will always receive a safe and efficient route.”

BULLSHIT!! Professional my hind end. Pleasant my hind end.  Efficient my hind end. Kiss my hind end.

We arrived from Japan on time at 10:25 a.m. and cleared customs at 11:30 a.m. Our reserved shuttle was supposed to meet us at the curb by 11:45 a.m. At 2:00 p.m. we were STILL waiting. According to PrimeTime dispatch “we” were the issue since there was no one else except us traveling to the Riverside area. Oh well excuse me, jerks! I paid you and told you where we were going to and from months in advance. Not my fault your “computer assisted dispatch system” has its head up its collective URL. We did not leave the airport until 2:25 p.m. and arrived home at 4:15 p.m. … 4 3/4 HOURS LATER!  I could have walked this faster.

As far as “safe and efficient route” … ha and what a joke! Our driver ran 3 red lights, was texting while driving the entire 90 miles and almost hit 10 people while changing lanes at the last second in rush hour traffic. You sir are the reason I middle-fingered people during my 50 mile, one-way commute to and from Riverside to Fullerton/Orange for 15 years. In addition, you as an arrogant twatwaffle relied on GPS, but could have easily shaved an hour off of the time if you had known the area or at the least LISTENED to your passengers who drive the area daily.  (Flash to “Van” from the movie “Cars”:  I don’t need directions!  I’ve got the GPS.)  So Mr. Driver … thanks for that and a waste of my time.

Example re: a better way?  Were it me I would have taken the 105 to the 605 to the 91 (drop off 1 at Beach in Buena Park by Knott’s Berry Farm); back to the 91 to the 5 South to Katella to drop off 3 near the Anaheim train station and/or Disney area; then, take the 57 to Yorba Linda, drop off 2 more; then reverse back to the 57 to the 91 and use the toll roads to Riverside.  But nooooooo … instead, our driver flexes his collective steering wheel muscles and takes the 105 to the 110 to the 91 to Beach Blvd., back onto the 91 to the Brookhurst exit to Katella (and hits every light red along the way) to Anaheim Stadium past Disneyland (which is a tourist nightmare you want to avoid) to Kraemer to Yorba Linda to Imperial to the 91 (non-Express Lanes) to Green River; then proceeds to go 85 mph whenever possible because he screwed up. OMG … and he then gets mad at me when I give everyone the “Disney Tour Guide” program about the area:

“Hello all .. thank you for joining us today.  While we wait for the street lights to synchronize and our driver to get his act together, I’d like to direct you to the bowling alley to our right.  Linbrook Bowl was and still is a local hangout, and back in the day, Linbrook Hardware was a weekend escape for Do It Yourself weekend warriors.  As we travel down to Ball Road, you will see on your left Mama Cozza’s which is still considered one of the best pizza parlors of the area.  (turn on Katella) … and now at Katella and Euclid you will see on the right a shopping center that was Albertson’s and Payless drug stores, plus on the left the liquor store where many local children would ride their bikes and purchase penny candy.  As we approach Ninth, we enter the “Disney District”.  I lived about a mile north on Ninth and we would “bum” tickets from tourists leaving Disneyland from 1960 to 1980.  Many of my fellow classmates still work for Disney and the Anaheim (NOT Los Angeles) Angels baseball team.  As we approach the “Pond”, I hope you will all be cheering the Ducks to the Hockey Stanley Cup Finals this next week.”

Said driver told me to “zip it” and “stop with the crap”.  I was a tad childish and stuck my tongue out at him behind his back, and the woman in front of me from Fullerton-Placentia laughed and thanked me.  Later when I mentioned to the driver that the new 91 Toll Roads via Corona had changed the game commute-wise and that he needed to bear to the right at the 15, he proceeded to rip my face off for being a “back seat driving bitch.” Yeah buddy? Shove your steering wheel and your arrogant attitude.  You wouldn’t last two seconds in Japan … they truly despise American idiots like you.

I will NEVER again hire out Prime Time Shuttle. It would have cost me about the same for a private limo, and my blood pressure and sanity would have been the better for it.

Fabric Fiasco


From October 2014 to January 2015 I lived with my daughter and son-in-law up in Washington to help them with their newborn daughter.  During my stay, I asked if they wanted me to reupholster their sectional couch.  It was a “freebie” from a neighbor and the white covering was thin and stained and out-dated and scratched all to hell by the cats.  The first week of November, daughter and I went to the local JoAnn’s up in Silverdale, WA and picked out a fabric for the couch and cushions.  Since we needed 30 yards, I opted to buy the entire thing via special order.  The issue being there was only 18 yards in the warehouse, so we found 12 yards at two stores in Washington and California, and on-line ordered the 18.

Of course, this being my first attempt at upholstery, I knew something would go wrong along the line .. and sure enough, it did.  I posted my rants about this to Facebook beginning about 4 weeks after we ordered the material …

December 13, 2014
Hello [Facebook] friends … It’s been a while.
Want to hear a rant? Yes, peeps … a rant!  (warning to those not willing to listen to rants at the moment: scroll past this and all will be ok …).

About November 6, I ordered 18 yards of $49.99 fabric at 60% off plus an additional 50% off “one time coupon” for the couch, plus 2 yards of a clearance fabric at $9.99 for pillows for a re-upholstery project. The 18 yards was “out of stock and no longer available” … the 2 yards was sent to the wrong address. After 8 e-friggin-mails later I was told that I was to blame for the address issue. I send a screen shot of my order with the correct ship to address to JoAnn’s and received no reply … zippo, nada, nil, silence until the cows come home.

I and my family called UPS 5 times asking where the damned fabric was … and we were finally told I had to drive to the regional distribution center which was about 30 miles away to ask that question and receive a response. On November 13, I did so and I was met with the rudest people on planet earth. The manager of the facility literally threatened to have me physically thrown out of the building because I called one of his employees a “dumbshit” to his face (not hers) because she could not find my order despite my giving her the email, tracking number and god knows what else. (She wandered around the facility for over 2 hours, then gave up and went to lunch without telling me or anyone else.)  All this for 2 yards of fabric?  I was FINALLY told by another employee that the fabric had been returned to JoAnn’s warehouse and I should contact them for a refund.  Finger-pointing 101 classes.

The next day I received a postcard telling me that the USPS had “found” my fabric and was being held at the UPS distribution center (oh damn and facepalm!) until 5 PM that day. I had to drive back there, give them the card, and was told by a different manager from the day prior that it wasn’t their fault I didn’t tell them that the USPS was a “partner” in the delivery. EXCUSE ME!!!???  How the hell am I supposed to know that when the tracking number is a UPS issued one?  It took me two trips of 120 miles total to be insulted?  I could have stayed home and posted to social media for that … AND saved gas and wear and tear on the car to boot.

Flash forward to November 29 … I received an email from JoAnn’s telling me the 18 yards of fabric that was “not available” had been shipped (oh good Lord Almighty!  Seriously?) … to … you got it … the WRONG DAMNED ADDRESS AGAIN!  I emailed them and said I had already ordered and paid for a transfer of the material from 2 different local stores (more on in the next post since it is its own “fun” story), and that I didn’t need the fabric. The response from Customer Service?  “Thank you for your inquiry. Do not reply to this email. We are checking into your issue and will respond within the next 14 to 21 days.” What. The. Fucking. Hell?!  In addition, the tracking number on the second shipment was completely wrong .. it did not belong to UPS, FedEx or the USPS (we found out later it was a JoAnn’s internal number). After another 15 plus messages back and forth I was told, “Thank you for your inquiry. It would appear this has been answered therefore we are deleting the complaint from our system.”  ARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!  This was yesterday December 12 … 14 damned days after the fabric I didn’t need and which wasn’t available was supposedly shipped.

Shockingly and much to my surprise, the 18 yards was delivered at 9 am on December 13 (today), and I promptly emailed JoAnn’s and told them I don’t need it. Their response: “Since the item you ordered is cut on demand it is not returnable.”

OK … so … JoAnn’s … Here’s the dealio:  I am reporting the $330 charge to my bank card as fraud. I am letting the Attorney Generals of the State of California, State of Washington, and whichever sorry-assed damned state you are incorporated in that I am pissed as hell. I do not need the fabric, I will not pay for the fabric, and you WILL take it back. And I will tell everyone I have ever known since the day I was born that your company is a pile of dog shit in the customer service area.

Speaking of that … in case you haven’t noticed, we have been in a recession for the past 8 years. People who have skills making others happy have been laid off yet you, JoAnn’s, have hired people with no brains, no skills, no empathy, and a don’t-give-a-crap attitude. In today’s environment, you seriously need to rethink this from a HR point of view because I can, and will, order from others online who can, and will, meet my expectations.

In other words, JoAnn’s … YOU SUCK AND YOU OWE ME $330 plus my time and energy of about 24 hours at $50 an hour to figure out YOUR screw ups.

As we say in California even though I am currently in Washington state … have a nice day assholes.

December 14, 2014
We pick up the story when I was told that the 18 yards of fabric I needed was not available from the warehouse (November 14). George and I had already found 12 of the 30 yards necessary for the job (6 in Southern California which he shipped to me, and 6 up here in Washington). I looked up stock on-line at each of the locations around the Seattle area for the remaining 18 yards, and viola! Federal Way, WA had 13 in stock and Lynnwood, WA had 9. George called Federal Way and had them confirm the 13 and hold it for me. Lynnwood was a different issue. He was placed on hold for at least 30 minutes, then was told “I’m the only one here. I’ll call you back when I have time.”  He eventually hung up after giving them his number, but they did not call back.

I then went over the to the Silverdale store, and told the woman at the special order desk that I wanted to transfer 18 yards from the two stores (the only other option was my driving “around the horn” to Seattle which is about 80 miles one way to pick it up). It took almost 2 hours to complete the transfer tasks (this is starting to sound like JoAnn’s Standard Operating Procedure, huh?) and this was just about as laughable as ordering the yardage on-line:

1) The clerk had to find the store numbers and phone numbers for Fed Way and Lynnwood, and sure enough the special little, black 3-ring binder was missing the “Store Listing” page. She had to page a manager who spent over 20 minutes going through EVERY 3-ring binder behind the desk, in the office, and under the cutting tables to no avail. In the meantime, I pulled out my cell phone and looked the store numbers and phone numbers up and handed them to the clerk. It took me all of about 1 minute to do this, and I was told by the manager that I “wasn’t funny” for showing her up. (I personally thought this was hilarious and commented that it wasn’t my fault JoAnn’s didn’t allow them to use cell phones while on the clock).
2) The clerk called Federal Way and confirmed they had the 13 yards held in my name and it would immediately be placed in the transfer area. Awesome … that was easy.
3) The clerk then called Lynnwood and was placed on hold for 20 minutes. When she finally got hold of someone, there was a rather heated discussion between them as to why I had not put the fabric on hold BEFORE going to Silverdale. I explained that we had tried to do this, but Lynnwood was “busy” and didn’t call us back. It took Lynnwood about 20 minutes to confirm the 5 yards was indeed in stock and would be placed on hold and in transfer.
4) After being at the store for 1 hour, all of the fabric is on hold and in transfer area. So far so good, right?  Wrong.  The clerk had never rung up a transfer sale before. She paged the manager, who showed her how. THEN the computer didn’t recognize the sale price. She paged the manager again, who “fixed” the price (I was told the sale had expired and I had to look THAT up via my cell phone too to prove the price was still valid until 11/22 … the manager wasn’t happy about my “showing her up” again). THEN the computer would not accept my 30% off coupon. She paged the manager again, who by this time refused to make eye contact with me. THEN the computer system went off line and we had to wait 10 minutes for it to reboot … and had to start all over again.
5) We finally got the Federal Way fabric order out of the way, then tried to ring up Lynnwood’s transfer. Key word there … tried. Since I was ordering it under the same name as the Federal Way material, it wouldn’t let me use the 30% off “one item per day per customer” coupon. We had to start all over using my daughter’s name.

Two hours after setting foot in the store, I walked out with my sale rung up and the promise that the transfer would be completed within 14 days. WHAT!!!??  (To their credit, the fabric arrived 3 days later.)

I don’t know what was more insanely funny about this whole fiasco … 1) the complete lack of organization, personnel training, and lack of customer service from JoAnn’s management and employees; 2) the completely pissed off looks I was getting from other customers who were waiting in line (JoAnn’s only had 2 registers open this entire time and management was pretty upset they had to lower themselves to cashier status to take care of holiday shoppers since I was basically hogging the Special Order Desk the entire time) and by the store manager who was “shown up”; or 3) my truly awesome control of my anger level … I was actually cracking jokes and entertaining the clerk while she was apologizing over and over and over and over and over for their ineptitude. Apology or not … it was truly difficult to watch this without face-palming every 5 minutes.

January 6, 2015
The couch is finished! Yea! In order to complete this, I had to do the following during the insanity of the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years) and helping take care of a newborn:
1) Endure 2 fabric shipment problems;
2) Endure tracking down and transferring material that was supposedly “no longer in stock”;
3) Travel to two locations 10 miles apart (Silverdale and Port Orchard) to find 3 out-of-stock items (bulk zipper pulls which are manufactured by Dritz and which stock is “maintained” by a vendor service that only comes in every 4 to 6 weeks according to the store employees, and upholstery thread in the colors I needed which are also a vendor service maintained item, and bulk zippers by the yard which I decided to substitute prepackaged zippers that were too long and which I modified to fit);
4) Return a defective staple gun (also manufactured by Dritz) 1/2 way through the project (and by the way, I recommend going to Lowe’s or Home Depot and getting a “better” gun for the same or lower price). The second gun also kept jamming toward the end but I made it through by pulling about 2x the number of staples I was using versus those that were going in correctly. (It was suggested when I returned the first gun that I was not educated in the proper gun use and technique. After explaining my experience working for Home Depot, the manager apologized for her assumption);
5) Figure out a substitute fabric for the area under the bottom cushions since JoAnn’s does not carry it in stock.  (No JoAnn’s, the bottom dust cover is NOT the same thing and no I will NOT “special order” it).  I just used the upholstery fabric which looks good; and,
6) Make a judgement call as to whether I could substitute 1/2″ foam for the thin 1/4″ that was on the couch originally. Not one single employee in either of two locations could answer the question.  I opted to use 1/2″.

January 11 – 12, 2015
I drove from Washington to California with the 18 yards of fabric needing return in my car.  Hey JoAnn’s and UPS!  Listen to this … IT ONLY TOOK ME 19 HOURS (2 DAYS) TO GET IT THERE.

January 16, 2015
Customer service issued a Call Tag for the 18 yards of fabric according to an email this morning … it’s supposed to be picked up on Monday January 19th. I’m not holding my breath because the idiots will probably send the tag to Washington.

January 22, 2015
The fabric has left the building!  (I’m glad I didn’t hold my breath for 3 days.)

January 30, 2015 – February 2, 2015
I got an email from JoAnn’s:  “A refund has been issued to your method of payment. If your payment included Jo-Ann Gift Card(s), a new gift card has been issued.  If your shipment included a prepaid return label, a return shipping fee has been deducted from your refund. If you chose not to use the prepaid return label and shipped on your own please call our Customer Service Team.
I received the refund 2 days later and they did not charge me for the return freight.

So … A project that should have taken 2 weeks most from beginning to end (buying fabric to sitting on a newly reupholstered couch) took instead 12 weeks (not including the week I took off for the holidays) mostly due to inventory and shipping issues. All in all, I spent 16 hours taking off the old material; 8 hours stapling on new foam; 8 hours cutting and sewing new material; and 24 hours stapling on the new material (about 7 days), plus about 7 days back and forth for various supplies.

And, I highly recommend that if you have arthritis, you not attempt this … my hands are killing me!



Postscript March 30, 2016: 
It’s been over a year since this adventure.  I continue to receive emails from JoAnn’s about sales and clearances and % off coupons despite my numerous requests to remove me from their mailing lists.  I avoid JoAnn’s at all costs and order directly from the manufacturer or purchase from local suppliers or via or eBay or Craigslist, or I shop at Michael’s when absolutely necessary.  What is interesting and in retrospect is JoAnn’s bought out House of Fabrics back in the 1990’s, and the Controller from HoF became my supervisor at Home Depot Western Regional for a short period of time.  I can now see why he left JoAnn’s.

The couch has been moved with my daughter’s family to her new home in Japan, and it seems to be holding up well despite my amateur skills.

First Mother’s Day

I really despise these “fake” holidays, but since my daughter became a mom, I decided I’d send her something to commemorate the occasion.


Isnt’ that pretty!  and chocolates!  oooooooooo … yes!  they come with a 6 pack of Godiva chocolates!!!

May 9, 2015
“Your FTD.COM order has been canceled and a full refund has been issued to your payment method”

I swear I am an idiot magnet for failed deliveries (reference the JoAnn’s incident last November/December 2014). I ordered the flowers on Sunday, May 3, 2015 from to be delivered today May 9.  I even had to pay extra for the “short notice” and “holiday order.” (Newsflash: Mother’s Day is NOT a “holiday”). I got the confirmation of shipping via email yesterday, May 8, with a FedEx tracking number. I logged on today to see if there was an ETA on delivery time. And ….

5/8 12:00 a.m. Picked up from TROUTDALE, OR
5/8 01:53 a.m. Shipment information sent to FedEx
5/8 03:22 p.m. Arrived at FedEx location PHOENIX, AZ
5/9 10:36 a.m. Departed FedEx location PHOENIX, AZ
5/13 Estimated delivery SILVERDALE, WA

What the hell! They are cut flowers in a glass vase of water with a box of chocolates! They couldn’t fly them from Portland to Seattle? They couldn’t give the order to one of the local Silverdale florists in their network? Portland to Phoenix to who knows where to Seattle to Silverdale!? Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Does someone at FTD need a world atlas for Christmas?

Hubby called FTD and was placed on hold 5 times. He was offered a 15% off coupon for use on our next order. Ummm … no, assholes … there will be no “next time” unless hell freezes over. Thank you anyway. After 1/2 hr. of phone hold hell, they finally did the refund. No explanation … no answer to the questions as to which MORON decided flying something that can die and/or melt and/or break over 2,400 miles in a 6 day period of time was a good idea.

I hope whoever in Phoenix or wherever in between that gets the flowers and chocolates enjoys them, and I hope they are a mom. If that is the case, Happy Mother’s Day from us to you.

NOW … off to find a florist locally in Washington who can do an emergency delivery in the next 24 hours.

May 13, 2015
Flower Saga: The Sequel (This is actually better than the first episode!)

So … after 10 days, numerous phone calls, reorder from a different place, and a refund, the flowers (and assume chocolates) ordered from FTD have finished their West Coast U.S. tour:

5/03/2015 – Sunday
Ordered arrangement from FTD to deliver on or before 5/09/2015
Paid extra for “fast delivery” and upgraded order to “premium” flowers plus 4 pack of Godiva chocolates. Delivery instructions state: If no response at door, deliver to office.

5/07/2015 – Thursday
Order sent from FTD to florist in TROUTDALE, OR

5/08/2015 – Friday
12:00 am Picked up TROUTDALE, OR
1:53 am Shipment information sent to FedEx
3:22 pm Arrived at FedEx location PHOENIX, AZ

5/09/2015 – Saturday
10:36 am Departed FedEx location PHOENIX, AZ
9:42 pm In transit GUSTINE, CA

5/12/2015 – Tuesday
4:25 pm Arrived at FedEx location TROUTDALE, OR
6:52 pm Departed FedEx location TROUTDALE, OR

5/13 11:42 am Delivered Silverdale, WA
4:34 am At local FedEx facility DUPONT, WA
4:49 am On FedEx vehicle for delivery DUPONT, WA
Left at front door. Signature Service not requested.

Let’s break this down:
In today’s electronic ordering and shipping retail networks there is absolutely ZERO excuse for this.  FOUR DAYS?!  Good Lord!

PICKED UP from TROUTDALE, OR 5/8 (12:00 am)
Where the hell is Troutdale, OR and how is that even close to Seattle, WA?  It’s a different state FFS!!
IN TRANSIT to PHOENIX, AZ 5/8 (arrived 3:22 pm)
OMFG!  The flowers are on a truck going the WRONG WAY?

DEPARTED FedEx PHOENIX, AX 5/9 (10:36 am)
IN TRANSIT from GUSTINE, CA 5/9 (9:42 pm)
ARRIVED FedEx TROUTDALE, OR 5/12 (4:25 pm)
OK … At this point the flowers have taken 4 days to go from BF-TROUTDALE, OR to PHOENIX, AZ and back via California.  The damned flowers have seen more states than I have in my lifetime.  SOMEONE should have said, “Hang on.  These are perishable and 3 days past the due date.  Let’s check to see if we should hold off on delivery.”  Oh … but excuse me for expecting logical thinking.  Instead, the box was thrown onto the next available truck.

DEPARTED FedEx TROUTDALE, OR 5/12 (6:52 pm)
ARRIVED FedEx DUPONT, WA 5/13 (4:34 am)
DELIVERED to front door, no signature SILVERDALE, WA 5/13 (11:42 am)
That’s 6 hours to drive 52 miles … I realize rush hour is a bitch people but come on!

And the instructions specifically stated “Deliver to office if no one home.”  Guess I was dumb enough to think that FedEx would actually READ what I asked for.

FYI … here’s what was delivered …


By the way, the vase delivered was the one pictured.  Thanks at the least  to the florist for that small favor.

And thanks FTD for making my daughter’s first Mother’s Day so memorable.